If you’re as old as I am, you’ve probably had to face the harsh feelings of breakups. If so, that would also mean you’ve had to deal with the process of moving on. The thing is, how to get over someone is not an easy matter to discuss, much less put into play. The concept is simple – absolutely – but it can be as far from easy as things can get. Sometimes, people are afraid to admit that things are over; they may hold on to hope, desperately convincing themselves that there is still a chance. Other times, people don’t want to move on; not entirely anyway. A lot of factors can come into play when discussing the goal of letting go of people from the past.
I recall a few years into my youth when I heard of all these crazy ideas of why some people move on faster than others. One of the strangest of the bunch was the idea that people who suffered from “only child syndrome” had harder times moving on than those who grew up with a sibling. Having grown up a bit since then, I have learned to vouch against a good majority of these beliefs. I now think that such “explanations” for why people can’t move on are excuses in disguise to hold on to something that causes pain.
Why do people hold on so desperately? The simplest reason is because – especially in relationships that have lasted for a long time – they are scared of the unknown. People may not recognize or remember the world they had before the relationship. They may not see themselves existing in a world without their “other” anymore. It is that fear that prevents healing, and that fear that keeps people holding on.
So that in mind, I believe there are only two steps necessary for getting over someone.
The first step of moving on is to let go (no, they do not mean the same thing). Imagine yourself hanging over a bottomless pit, holding onto a bar for dear life. Of course, the logical thing to do would be to maintain that fast grip. But how do you know what awaits you at the end of the fall? How do you know there isn’t anything dangerous at the bottom? That no one is there waiting? Most of the time, you don’t. Some people may shout out to you to let you know they are there, but other times, you don’t know. All you are sure of is that given time, your arms will tire. Let go, because nobody can save you if you don’t let them. Let go, because in a hopeless situation, the only right choice would be to take a chance.
The second part of moving on is to have faith. See, once you let go, nothing will bring you back to that bar. Only have faith that – given time – anything that can happen will happen. Over the course of the fall, you will run into someone.
Blunt, right? Lacking in drama? A bit poetic? In the end, it doesn’t matter. This is just what I think on the matter. Like I said, it’s a fairly simple concept that is difficult to put into action. In the end however, it is the pattern of behavior we all go through as we move forward. The pain of hanging on eventually fades, and we forget. We move on.